Some people say they do not have the motivation to blog
Some say they are lazy to type posts every few days
I was like them last year.
"Ya la.. sian. keep blog for what. waste time update"
Seems that my mindset changed?

Or maybe it didnt.
I just need a platform to say what i want to say
Deep down?
Or inside out?
Stuff that i want to say, here, i find the place to write.

To be frank, i do not really care who reads my blog
I just treat it as a mute stranger
To pour my heart out to
Maybe not all my heart
But those stuff i wanna say

Tagboard's gone for a reason.
My blog's a mute stranger remember?
And he doesnt talk.




Time for more stuff i guess.
Its deja vu again.
Mistakes.
Screw ups.
Scoldings.
Mishaps.
Are happening again.
I got a feeling yang's trust is wavering again
Well i didnt expect him to trust much in the first place
But perhaps i was too careless today?
I dont blame anyone at all
Except myself.
Being the only bloody sec4 in that group of 道具 people
With differing personalities/mindsets
I gotta shoulder all the blame
I think im used to it
After all that happened during DramaFest
So i just emo in one quiet corner far away
Where im free from civilisation
And any scoldings/screw ups that i might do
and think about what just happened.
Sometimes i just wished time can go back
But it just cant.
When things happen, they happen.
And i blame myself for them.
The guilt is what drives you to do better
Or did it not?
Do better = yes on the actions = no on the effects/outcome


Heh. 平台. Challenge number 1 i met during TKK



~~


Now i start to ignore any misbehaviour happening from any member
I feel i do not deserve to correct them.
Until i become a perfectionist and make sure i can never screw up no matter what happens
And i can do everything at its best and not make any mistakes.
But that will probably never happen.
To others im just a puppet?
You call me do stuff.
Ok i do.
I look emo on the outside.
Okok.
I still do.
You ask me fix board
Paste back the words
Okok i do.
Other people say they want to get out of being a puppet
Well.
Get out for WHAT?
I'll rather go status quo
and be the puppet i have to be.

Heh heh. Stoning at backstage thinking about this kind of stuff
Keeps your mind off things.
And keeps me from the 101 distractants around me


~~


I think i do not even deserve to be in TKK at all.
Not even as a 道具 member
If i cant even 搬a道具 properly
ie a 平台
and fulfill my job
Why should i even be in it?
I do not deserve to.
I feel ashamed of myself.
Carrying out the duty/responsiblity which i am not even capable of doing.


~~


Suddenly i feel as if i have not learnt as much i should have
for the past 2+ years for 舞美
To talk not about 道具
I do not even know how to operate a 灯光set/do basic foundation makeup/do 服装/design a proper design
I feel again ashamed
I do not even think i deserve to be in huagang at all.
I lack the capability to.


~~


Time, might erode past memories.
Or it may not.
I know i have let you down again.
Though you said "Let past memories fade"
But i choose not to
It serves as a way for me to remember what i have done wrong
but now
Im making newer mistakes?

~~

Everything i do, i never please people.
Deja vu again?
Maybe.

~~


Until i get better, and become a perfection
I am always trapped in a cage of my own guilt
Unable to escape.
And please do not try to free me.




~人生好残忍~

Some people say they do not have the motivation to blog
Some say they are lazy to type posts every few days
I was like them last year.
"Ya la.. sian. keep blog for what. waste time update"
Seems that my mindset changed?

Or maybe it didnt.
I just need a platform to say what i want to say
Deep down?
Or inside out?
Stuff that i want to say, here, i find the place to write.

To be frank, i do not really care who reads my blog
I just treat it as a mute stranger
To pour my heart out to
Maybe not all my heart
But those stuff i wanna say

Tagboard's gone for a reason.
My blog's a mute stranger remember?
And he doesnt talk.




Time for more stuff i guess.
Its deja vu again.
Mistakes.
Screw ups.
Scoldings.
Mishaps.
Are happening again.
I got a feeling yang's trust is wavering again
Well i didnt expect him to trust much in the first place
But perhaps i was too careless today?
I dont blame anyone at all
Except myself.
Being the only bloody sec4 in that group of 道具 people
With differing personalities/mindsets
I gotta shoulder all the blame
I think im used to it
After all that happened during DramaFest
So i just emo in one quiet corner far away
Where im free from civilisation
And any scoldings/screw ups that i might do
and think about what just happened.
Sometimes i just wished time can go back
But it just cant.
When things happen, they happen.
And i blame myself for them.
The guilt is what drives you to do better
Or did it not?
Do better = yes on the actions = no on the effects/outcome


Heh. 平台. Challenge number 1 i met during TKK



~~


Now i start to ignore any misbehaviour happening from any member
I feel i do not deserve to correct them.
Until i become a perfectionist and make sure i can never screw up no matter what happens
And i can do everything at its best and not make any mistakes.
But that will probably never happen.
To others im just a puppet?
You call me do stuff.
Ok i do.
I look emo on the outside.
Okok.
I still do.
You ask me fix board
Paste back the words
Okok i do.
Other people say they want to get out of being a puppet
Well.
Get out for WHAT?
I'll rather go status quo
and be the puppet i have to be.

Heh heh. Stoning at backstage thinking about this kind of stuff
Keeps your mind off things.
And keeps me from the 101 distractants around me


~~


I think i do not even deserve to be in TKK at all.
Not even as a 道具 member
If i cant even 搬a道具 properly
ie a 平台
and fulfill my job
Why should i even be in it?
I do not deserve to.
I feel ashamed of myself.
Carrying out the duty/responsiblity which i am not even capable of doing.


~~


Suddenly i feel as if i have not learnt as much i should have
for the past 2+ years for 舞美
To talk not about 道具
I do not even know how to operate a 灯光set/do basic foundation makeup/do 服装/design a proper design
I feel again ashamed
I do not even think i deserve to be in huagang at all.
I lack the capability to.


~~


Time, might erode past memories.
Or it may not.
I know i have let you down again.
Though you said "Let past memories fade"
But i choose not to
It serves as a way for me to remember what i have done wrong
but now
Im making newer mistakes?

~~

Everything i do, i never please people.
Deja vu again?
Maybe.

~~


Until i get better, and become a perfection
I am always trapped in a cage of my own guilt
Unable to escape.
And please do not try to free me.




~人生好残忍~